


Doubts

by Despair_mastermind



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Gen, It's just last things before the actual game starts, Just my thoughts on why she finally few off the handle, Well I guess it sort of turned into a mental breakdown, You know during the last trial? Yeah, so here you go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23821123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Despair_mastermind/pseuds/Despair_mastermind
Summary: Enoshima Junko sits and watches the last preparations before the game starts. But something is wrong...
Relationships: None
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Doubts

Spin. Spin. Spin. Spin. Spinning goes the chair. 

Large blue eyes are focused. Focused one somewhere only the owner of the empty voids of blue can know. The insides of a room, built inside Hope's peak. A striking silence coats the air as it is only broken by the sounds of the creaking chair, as it spins, still. The owner of these empty eyes, the beautiful female, slinked on the chair in the relaxed, almost apathetic position, seemed like she didn't enjoy herself in the slightest. Enoshima Junko. That Enoshima Junko. Ultimate Fashionista. No, Ultimate Analyst. Ultimate Despair. And she found herself having the strangest of thoughts today. Today, the day that the game she had prepared for many years should start. And she didn't like them. 

She spun around once more before stopping. It has been around a year since it all started. She knew the fires raging outside. She knew the deaths and despair that brought the world to knees, with people dying one way or another, wallowing in deep despair that can never be escaped. And what she was about to do will make it all worse, but also better. She had calculated many scenarios in her head. How it might go, how it might not. The possible delicious despair of death clogging her mind, making her unable to predict it all. And yet, again and again, she had seen her death at the end. One too many times it was the last trial. One too many times it was afterward after she had won. But her death remained intact. She remembered Izuru's remark. Her analytical prowess proving it now, after so much time. 

"I should be glad...Should be. And yet, something is missing." She had found herself staring at the camera's, the observation points for all of her classmates, put to sleep for the preparation of the last game, Mukuro working to erasing their memories just like Junko instructed her to do. Something was missing. She heard it once, then twice, the hundred times. Her analytical mind scratching to a halt, as she stared at the cameras to understand why. Eyes running without relation to each other, muscles straining, headache beginning to pound within her mind. WHY?

Then something finally clicked, making the constant white noise of her thoughts stop completely. How silent, how strange. A single thought crossed her mind that stunned her into silence. Even her world became completely void. Her eyes widened as she stopped seeing the screens, stopped seeing everything in front of her. She stopped understanding what had occurred around her. Her existence was focused on this thought. Thought so despairful and yet so void of anything. A thought turned her stomach upside down. nausea spreading as soon as the void had begun to fill with different thoughts. 

What if despair isn't enough? 

Wait. No no no no no. That shouldn't be a thought. That shouldn't come to her mind. Despair is what she had needed, it's what freed her from the routine, from the vast emptiness of the normal life. It's what made her life worth living and worth finally dying. But no, why would she think about dying? There's so much despair to have so why she would want to exit while it's hitting it's high. Why would she doubt it right now? Why would she doubt it so much that she couldn't see her past the point where it became the highest? Does she think that it will lose the unpredictability? Does her mind think it's not enough? Should she even do this game if all that it achieves is her public death, with a possibility of her work being undone? 

Forty percent. No, thirty-five. If the things went well for all the remaining Future Foundation members, if the winners of the game, should they exist, would want to help restore the world, if everything goes well for them, if her A.I's plans failed. 35 percent that the world returns to the same stale existence. Same, boring, corrupted existence. 5 percent that it will change forever. Five percent. Five fucking percent. She shouldn't expect anything else but even with the turmoil caused by her doubts she can't help but let out a tired sigh from all humanity's boring, stifled nature. 

She spun around yet again, aggressively now. Almost venting her frustrations. Razor sharp blood-red nails hurt the skin on her palms, as she squeezed them tightly into fists. Her mind had brought her yet another hurdle. Doubts. Doubts. Now of all times? What a load of bullshit! she pushed herself off the chair. She didn't care when she heard it fall behind her. She was starting to pace back and forth within the safe-house. Within the place from which she shall control Monokuma from now on. Thoughts raging inside her mind as she tried to control its movements. Tried to control the current and failing like she always does. 

Five percent-nothing changed-despair is not enough-but what if it fails-success is imminent-Mukuro seems worried-they might wake up earlier-35 percent-boring-final preparations are nearly complete-what is Kamukura senpai doing?-motives should account for all of the students-should she even start the game?

A hand clutched her own head before she could even realize it. A pulsating headache now reached stronger levels than ever, she felt warmth trickle down her nose and onto her upper lip. Blood. A nosebleed. Typical for when she thought too many things at once. Even she lost track of all of her thoughts so it's unsurprising. This is not working. Not working. It should work, but it doesn't. Yet it does. But it doesn't. The question develops. The thought running wild, the chain of logic proceeds with or without her consent.

What if Despair isn't enough?  
What if Despair isn't that interesting?  
But if despair is not, then what is?  
Is there anything there is?  
Is there anything?

No. Stop that. Not now. It doesn't matter now. She saw Mukuro start working on the last one. Even if she stops now nothing will change. She will have to roll with it. Five percent. Has to roll with it. Despair is what she got. Despair is all she got. Others won't understand. Never understand. Even her sister will never understand. she clutches her head harder. Harder until she finally forces her mind to stop swirling, stop spreading too far. Stop making her doubt. She forces it knowing that it will never go away now. She has to change some things. Has to make it interesting again. 

"Hey, sis, can you like, sedate them for a while longer, I have to change some shit. Thank you, toodles~" The chipper voice comes out a little too softly. Too cutesy. She doesn't care. Her Personality is too boring right now, so she'll change it. She has to change it otherwise she'll fall behind forever. Change it. Just change it. 

It should be enough. Enough to last a few weeks more. Just enough. It should be. And then it ends. 

FINALLY...


End file.
